Full Disclosure

I realize that I presented cycling in its very best light in my last post, and I don't want anyone to go away thinking it's only always easy cruising with sunshine and flowers.  Just like with any good thing, there are pros and cons. Allow me to take a moment to shed a semi-humorous light on some facets of cycling with a new top five...

TOP FIVE (OR SIX) DISGUSTING THINGS ABOUT RIDING A BIKE

(Again, in no particular order)

1. ROADKILL - Those cute, sweet woodland creatures who have become your friends often, unfortunately, fall prey to their most vicious unnatural predator - the modern vehicle.  If you think these flattened, furry guys are gross in a car, you should see and smell them on a slow moving bike... *gag*

2. SKUNK - If the above roadkill happens to be a dead skunk, you will not get the smell out of your nostrils for hours.  Aw man... I don't even want to think about it.  Ugh.

3. SNOT - Maybe it's just me, but cardio activity in general makes my nose run, and cycling is no exception.  Eventually all that mucus builds up and it has to be released somehow.  As it is not convenient to carry Kleenexes on a bike, the easiest way to discard extra snot is to just blow it out, which is what I do.  One must simply hold down one nostril while forcefully blowing out the other side, all while coasting down the road.  Yes, it's gross, but it is effective ad necessary for proper breathing.  Just be careful where you aim as you go - you don't want to end up with slimy handlebars and arms.  It isn't very ladylike, but "Quite frankly, my dear..."

4. BUGS - While I don't personally think that bugs are inherently disgusting (though I'm sure some people would disagree), I believe swallowing them is.  I'm sure my cycling buddies can attest to this!  There's nothing quite like flying down a hill, gulping down air from the effort it took to get to the top of said hill and suddenly feeling an unusual lump in the back of your throat that shouldn't be there.  After you gasp, cough, and sputter, you down nearly a whole bottle of water to help move things along faster, then try not to think about it again for the rest of the ride.  (You also vow to keep your mouth shut and return to that whole breathe-through-your-nose idea.)

5. PORTABLE TOILETS - One of the questions I get asked most often about my long rides is "What do you do when you have to use the bathroom?"  The truth is, this problem rarely happens to me.  All of the liquid I ingest during a ride is promptly used by my body to cool me off in the form of sweat.  It doesn't even get the chance to reach my bladder!  However, on the rare occasion that I do seek out the facilities on an official, sponsored ride, port-a-potties are often the only option.  It only takes one glance inside to foster the resolution: "Nope.  I can hold it."

6. SWEAT - I am adding a bonus to this list in honor of my sister-in-law who, when I asked her what she would think was gross about biking, responded with "Sweat?" in question form, accompanied by a disgusted look on her face.  Sure, sis, we'll go with sweat.  :)

    To people who aren't accustomed to spending hours in the heat, the body's natural ability to cool itself down may come as a particular inconvenience with an undesirable smell.  For me, it's just part of the package - you're hot, you sweat.  You work hard, you sweat.  You live in South Carolina, you sweat.  It is what it is.  However, it is a bit disconcerting when you can press your helmet against your head and likely fill up a Coke can with the amount of liquid that drains out after a ride, or you have to ring out your jersey and shorts BEFORE you put them in the washing machine.  It's like band camp all over again.

Ewwwww.