Warning: This blog has nothing to do with bicycles or 5ks. It is instead the groanings and thoughts of a warm, heavy heart.
Mommy. Mother. Mom.
It is an esteemed title I have aspired for my whole life, sometimes unknowingly, often unadmittedly, and in recent years, most ardently. I suppose many women yearn for that sacred rite-of-passage, that unique opportunity to give up everything for the sake of another, to feel such love for another human being that you think your heart really could burst.
Kind of like how Christ feels about us, huh?
I recently became a member of this prestigious club that I always used to watch in awe from a distance. It has been the most gratifying, terrifying, overwhelming, worthwhile job I have ever undertaken. My perspective and outlook on life has been completely turned upside down. Things that used to be of utmost importance to me now seem ridiculously trivial. Things I used to consider menial tasks such as changing a diaper or searching high and low for a beloved pacifier now give me great pleasure (within reason) as another opportunity to sacrifice myself just a little more out of pure, unconditional love. Suddenly, I want time to slow down to a crawl lest I miss even one second of growth, of newly discovered abilities, of innocent joy. My life and my interests have now taken a backseat to the tiny ten pound bundle of possibilities who now occupies my mind and heart constantly.
Mommy.
He can't say it yet, but miraculously he knows who I am. He has known me from the very beginning. He is the only person who has heard my heartbeat from the inside and I am the first person to have felt him try out his new muscles. I have been his mommy from the start and he has always been my baby.
It's interesting how this bond occurs. No scientist can truly, accurately explain it. It will remain one of life's beautiful mysteries, only to be understood by the mother herself. It is truly love at first sight - a love that is never lost.
"A person's a person, no matter how small."
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